Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
