my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
