They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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