im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
