It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
