or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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