babies were throwing up all over the place
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
