Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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