I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
