I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
