U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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