when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I supernannyed him into submission
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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