there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
