About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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