I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
