His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
