***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
