The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
