You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
