i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
