i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
