If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
