I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
