she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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