we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
