Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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