my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
