I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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