i'm signing you up for texting rehab
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
