Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
