i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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