Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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