Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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