you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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