ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
