Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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