This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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