you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
