Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
