Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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