yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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