So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
