Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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