Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Come see our sink grown plant.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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