I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
