I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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