I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
