After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
