the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
