We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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