Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
