it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
